Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Tout le Monde

Today was unforgettable . birthday...people calling me..I am remembered. I'm loved. I try not to think about what's missing.

It's so sad that I won't hear my mother's sweet could feel her smile. .Happy Birthday honey..plain and simple ..A southern lilt..A knowing closeness ..a perfect loyalty shared only between two hearts who have shared one lifeforce..And oh how I miss her..I miss you mama..I miss you every day and I think of that call.i think of your voice and I cling to that memory.

Maybe daddy can hear me..daddy watched over me ..sometimes silently..always restrained in judgement ..
yet so attentive.. so generous..the years softened his heart ..he was so wise and shrewd in judging between what mattered and what didn't.  Daddy, you made us feel like every little thing we did took hold of the biggest part of your heart ..that you would bear our troubles..hold our hands. .we were your world ..I cry for you, daddy.

Today is my birthday. I am remembered. I'm loved..I try not to think about what's missing, and I's not just me..everyone has an aching void..A broken heart.

And so my birthday wish goes out to everyone. ..that we may, through God's mercy and the promise by JesusChrist his Son, be granted the strength to bear that sad and consuming sorrow. All things are possible through Him

I love you all...Marcia

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Remembering the first Marcia

I wish I could have spent more time with my grandma Martin.  The first house where she lived had a really big window that looked into a huge front porch. I was sad to see she had moved when I saw her next, but the new house was great too. Where I slept were two twin beds, and over each bed there hung a lovely hand painted portrait ..One of her looking young and lovely and the other of my grandfather Emory Senior also in his twenties very handsome and a little serious, but there was a gentle look of love on the two pictures of the people I loved to have look over me.  I would lie on the bed across the hall from their room gazing up at Marcia..I was named after her ..that never left my mind..daydream I would..and held those treasured heirlooms in my mind and heart, hoping that one day they would hang in my home  over my guest bed in the house I would live in some day when I grew up..After all I was the namesake,  the oldest offspring of their firstborn son named for his father. I loved that room..daydreams that situated themselves right up front in the story that I lived so many years ago. I can still see that house when I close my eyes.  Even her voice..she spoke softly with a deep rich southern drawl.

I knew my time with my grandparents was short. We lived so far away,  and I savored the moments we had..grandma's peach cobbler made with her secret ingredient. .lemon juice... and everything came from the orchard out back.  She would make it for me whenever I wanted.   And grandpa would pay me a silver dollar for singing to him.  He could be stern but never with me.  My daddy told me about that.

We moved away, but when my mother's mother died suddenly, I came to see my beloved grandmother Marcia again. She was a widow then pleased to meet my infant daughter,  and before I left she took my hands in hers ....alone in that moment with her the words she spoke rang sad but true..she looked into my eyes and said how happy she was that we had spent time together and how I had always been so special to her..proud to share our names ..elated from the time I was born and so very loved by her and my grandfather.   And now she said would be our last time together..she wished it wasn't so she said..It's all emblazoned in my mind.  I can still see her sadness and the tears in her eyes as she softly said this would be our last goodbye.  How hard it must have been for her knowing what had to be.

I think about her more and more as the years go by...her sweet smile...her loving voice..the way she made me know I was loved.

I love you grandma. .I don't need to own those portraits.  My memories of you are so much more.  I know you are waiting for me. Thank you.

Love always,   your Marcia